I feel like if I put things out to the universe and there are no secrets I will feel lighter as a person. This will make me a better daughter, friend, mother, wife, etc. To me there are only really a couple of scary things in my world.
1) Walking over grates… I really hate them- this plays in to my whole fear of heights.
2) Jean shopping – I’m 6 feet tall and really there are no regular stores that carry jeans in my length and size. (To all of you short people out there – At least you can hem your pants.. .I can’t make mine longer.)
3) Reading out loud – Steams from my childhood and getting made fun of because I had a hard time pronouncing words.
4) Writing – I know weird since I am blogging. I have the worst grammar and spelling and I don’t want to look stupid. This is me trying to over come that!
My biggest fear of all is not being loved or wanted. This is where that number comes in to play. That number is what the scale said this morning. The more I looked at it the more I hated my self. This is when the judging began – how could I let myself get this way? How would anyone (my husband) ever find me attractive? God I hate those rolls and that spare tire I’m carrying around. My stomach never looked like this before I had a kid… then I thought … I should really shave my legs… lol I went through all of these scenarios and realized the people that love me don’t even know this number (you do now). They don’t judge me on that number they love me no matter what that scales says. They still think I’m funny at 221 pds as much as I was 180 pds (if they even thought I was funny at all?). They love me, respect me and want to hang out with me even though I have all of this extra “stuff” hanging around. At the end of the day I’m the only one that can change my appearance and really set my self straight.
The older I get the more I realize the less I complain and worry the lighter I feel and be the best me I can be. Even if that me is 221 pds!